"I wanna go taste some wine!!"

Come over to my house!

You ever been wine tasting up in Napa or Sonoma when visiting California?

Ok.

For those that haven’t it generally goes like this:
You walk into a winery, or a wineries’ tasting room. They ask for a tasting fee. Sometimes it’s free if it’s a small winery, it can go as high as 25$ per person. Some include a tour or other amenity.

Now, 25$ isn’t that bad to taste 5 wines or so. You’re getting 2 oz pours or so, some info about the wines, how they’re made etc.

Some wineries will even bust out the reserve stuff. This means it’s only grown on the estate, more expensive, and higher quality that the basic wines that the rabble might normally taste.

Still not convinced?

Sometimes, you can have 2nds or 3rds of some of the wines you really like.
Especially if you’re thinking about buying something.
Now, this leads me to another point.

When you tourists or trade people go into a winery to taste, BUY SOMETHING!
If you don’t you’re what others in the trade call “fun seekers” which is a derogatory term, by the way. It means that you are just bopping around, getting drunk, and sometimes puking your ass off the moment you get outside, all over the wineries front lawn.

You should be barred from wherever you taste forever. You are an idiot, and whomever you are with should suffer the indignity and embarrassment of dragging your alcohol poisoned ass around and back to the hotel room, thereby torpedoing the rest of the day. It’s just as well,
The designated driver would be suicidal by 2-4 pm after driving a bunch of cheap winos around and babysitting them.
These drivers should be given a medal.

Be respectful of your taster. Chances are they make 15$ an hour(in California, no less, which is like minimum wage) and have to deal with a cavalcade of drunks on a daily basis.

The only saving grace is when an actual “evolved” person comes in and either buys a few bottles, or maybe a case or 2 of wine.
Eat in the morning when you get up. Drink water. These 2 things will save your ass later on after you’ve been to 4 wineries or so, and have eyes that are more bloodshot than Keith Richards on a 5-day bender.

Lastly, before I close, (and I could go on and on)
TIP YOUR SERVER!!!!!
10-20$ is standard, and shows you have class. You’ll be welcomed back, and respected.

You can even go more if you’d like. These tips help the pourers, who’ve given you all the wine info and wine that you can generally handle.

Again, TIP! Those that don’t should be forced to hold their puking friend’s head up in their lap for the next week. As you run around tasting, not buying, and yelling “fuck” as you hassle a poor bastard for another tiny pour of wine.

Ps- there’s a special place in hell for you “fun seekers” that say “oh, don’t be light on the pour, man”. “You poured more for them”.

Listen, I’ve got a solution.

BUY SOME WINE!

Just a few notes to help you out when you come visit.
You might even see me, I can tell a fun seeker from a mile away.
Depending on my mood, you may or may not get the booze you deserve.

And if you don’t tip, I will have someone, The valets, other servers, the Mexican dudes that work in production, let the air out of your car tires.
I mean it.

Respect breeds respect.

Have a nice day, and don’t forget your Tylenol!